Dune: Directors Cut

Let us go back to the year 1984, shall we?

Dune. This film caused a lot of buzz and I happen to be a big fan of it myself. I know that very most of you never know this film, so here's the synopsis.

"In the year 10191, a spice called melange is the most valuable substance known in the universe, and its only source is the desert planet Arrakis. A royal decree awards Arrakis to Duke Leto Atreides and ousts his bitter enemies, the Harkonnens. However, when the Harkonnens violently seize back their fiefdom, it is up to Paul (Kyle MacLachlan), Leto's son, to lead the Fremen, the natives of Arrakis, in a battle for control of the planet and its spice. Based on Frank Herbert's epic novel."

Now, it recently piqued my curiosity that there was an unreleased Director's Cut of the film, and as soon as I heard about it, I began a search for it. I tried contacting the people who worked on the film, via emails or phone calls, but I never got a response or I only got an answering machine.

My last resort was contacting David Lynch, the person who directed the film. Through Skype, I was interviewing him, and I asked him general questions like "Where did you get the idea for this film?" and "What did you think of the finished film?" and whatnot. So when I finally asked him about the purported "Director's Cut", he just fell silent. I could see his face going pale. He proceeded to tell me, "Don't look for it. Just let the memory die." He hung up the call right then, and I just sat at my desk, confused. I went to bed.

The next day, I tried emailing Mr. Lynch about the Director's Cut, in an attempt to find out more. I managed to get a response exactly fourty-five minutes later! The email said: "Just give me your address and I will send it to you... if you're sure you want to see it, then I guess I can't stop you. Beware, for the things you will see will forever stay in your mind for the rest of your life." I was unsure if I really wanted to see the Director's Cut at this point, but hey, morbid curiosity got the best of me. So I sent back another email with my address and a "thank you".

A week earlier, I received a package from David Lynch. It was the Director's Cut VHS tape... strangely it had the exact same design as the regular Dune VHS tape. I popped it in my VHS player (Yes, I still have one) and let it play.

Man, just how I wish I could take that back.

The familiar Universal logo jingle didn't sound. Well, it did, but the audio was very distorted and playing in reserved. It had fishes with red eyes smiling (from a Spongebob "Red Mist" creepypasta) in the background, and goes static while the "Universal" text appears. The This film is dedicated to logo was there, and it was very distorted and playing in reserved, static in the background. After the logo was over, it fades to black. The audio is still playing. The intro of the film began normally, you know, the opening credits. But when it got to the 1st minute, it suddenly froze. Not a single movement. You couldn't hear anything, not even the music. It was completly silent, and the only thing that you could here is the buzzing of the TV, which can cleary be heard.

Then the next scene played. It was normal... but in the middle, a screen was shown. The background was bloody. and Federico De Laurentiis was there.... but his eyes were dark and bloody, and above him said "WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM" and below was "YOU'RE NEXT". I got scared and tried to eject.... but it failed, and the screen stayed for 6 minutes. Then, everyone in the movie got killed by the ghost by a rocket launcher. Then he said, "Everybody is now dead!!! Guess what.... YOU'RE NEXT!" The VHS ended. I was scared, and threw the VHS out the window. I then sat on the couch. but then i saw the ghost.. He said, "I have come to kill you. You are still next" I got sooooo scared. But then, he got close to me. he said, "I am god." and he nearly killed me, but i got a bat and i hit him, so he evaporated away.

If you ever see a VHS copy of Dune, stay away from it or destroy it. Don't watch it, or you are a fucking idiot.